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The Other Side of 40 is a dedicated space to women who have made positive changes in their lives after the age of 40. Join host, April Grant, as she highlights women to help you find inspiration and support as you start the next chapter of your life. Cofounder of The Other Side of 40, R Scott, joins in on the podcasting fun today!

Today we are joined by Tracy Wilson, host of the podcast Melanated Moms. Tracy encourages moms to raise creative, innovative, and independent children. She helps mothers to not only raise thriving children, but to make sure that moms do not lose sight of who they are in the process.

Episode notes

What do you do after you have had your awakening? What do you do when trying to parent and work toward your own goals? What can you do to teach your kids about striving for their own dreams? What can your kids teach you about striving for your dreams?

In this episode, Tracy shares some great anecdotes about striving for what you want in life after 40. She shares how to strike when life throws a curve (ball). Listen in as Tracy gives some great advice on creating an environment to allow your kids to flourish and be their own people. Not only can raising children to be independently creative be great for them, but it can be a bonus for parents. She reminds us that children, who are naturally creative, can teach adults a few things about pursuing dreams and persevering if things don’t go as planned.

Where You can Find Tracy
www.Melanatedmom.com
Instagram: @melanatedmompodcast
Facebook: /Melanated-mom

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Transcript Below:

00:00:07 April Grant
Hello. And welcome to this week’s episode of the other side of 40. I would love to introduce you to the co founder of the other side of 40 Rene Scott. She is currently working as the editor on the website portion, and she decided she want to join me today because schools out, she’s a teacher and she actually has time to do so. And I wanted to make sure that she came on and said hi to our audience. So welcome, Renee.

00:00:38 Tracy Wilson
Hey, it’s great to be here. I’m so excited to be a part of this and so excited to get to hear from our wonderful guest today.

00:00:47 April Grant
And on that note, our guest today is Tracy Wilson. And she is the host of melon ated Mom Podcast, where she encourages moms to raise creative, innovative and independent Children and in the process to make sure that as mothers, we don’t lose sight of the call on our own lives. Oh, that speaks to me. Um, Tracy is the mother to three amazing humans and wife to a man who gets behind all the out of the box ideas she has for raising Children. So welcome, Tracy.

00:01:24 Tracy Wilson
Hi. Thank you so much for having me. April. Renee, I’m so excited to be here today.

00:01:29 April Grant
Awesome. So as I start out with every podcast, do you have an awakening moment

00:01:35 April Grant
and tell us about

00:01:36 Tracy Wilson
Oh, boy, yeah. I have a big awakening moment because this is the other side of 40 right? So my, um last pregnancy was at 40 years old, and it was a huge When I tell you a huge awaking any moment for me because, first of all, I did not want to be pregnant. At 40. This’ll was one of the things that I told you. I told my husband he is, um, the second relationship for me with the child. I have a 24 year old and then I have now eight and a six year old s o. We had our way. Oh, girl, I’m telling you, way had our first child together, and that was something that we had talked about. We agreed to have one child, and the one thing I told my husband that I would never want to be pregnant at a certain age, and I would never want to be pregnant. When my son was a senior in high school. Cool. Well, guess what, Renee? In April, I was pregnant at 40 with a senior in high school, and I said this could not be really The pregnancy was very short because I was in denial for about five months, so it just it took me down a rabbit hole. I mean, I just, um we all know how much kids take out of us, like how much we have to give in time and love and just

00:03:08 Tracy Wilson
it takes a lot of work to be there for your Children. And I love being a mom. Don’t get me wrong, But I’m like, when is it gonna be my timeto live? I’m going to be raising kids for the entirety of my life. I started when I was 21

00:03:24 Tracy Wilson
and here I am, still at 46 raising kids. So I just It really sent me into somewhat of a downward spiral. Yeah, when I was, I felt like I was really losing control of myself and who I was and the visions and the drinks that I had for my own self. Eso

00:03:45 Tracy Wilson
I had to really, like,

00:03:48 Tracy Wilson
talk to myself. I mean, every day, every morning When I was getting up in the morning, I had to talk to myself about what it is that you really want for your life.

00:03:56 Tracy Wilson
And I had to begin to tell myself that the beginning of motherhood again is not the end of life for you.

00:04:03 Tracy Wilson
So you have to find a way to exist in this space and still keep pushing. And it is still a journey. My youngest is six years old, as I said, and I’m still finding ways to push myself forward. Um,

00:04:18 Tracy Wilson
we all know that after 40 the body does not act like acted way were in our in our 20. So everything is a great big push. Um, I want to give them the same life that I gave my 24 year old, and I want to give myself an opportunity to experience life the way that I would like to experience it as a 46 year old. So it is a fine line toe walk. It’s ah challenge at most days, and it’s a balance of figuring out how we can all make this work where we all get what we want out of life. So that is my awakening moment. Oh,

00:04:57 April Grant
yes. I mean, I had a knot, a similar story. Uh, I told my husband that if I didn’t want a baby by 40 years old, then we got to figure out how to cut this off because I could give pregnant any time. And I was just I was tired of taking the pills and doing the shots and all of that. So, you know, we made a decision and he got snipped because I was like, we’re not gonna have any accidents. We’re not gonna have any because I’m just drain because I have a six and an eight year old to I also have a 16 year old, and it’s training to do all of that all the time. So, what did you do with this feeling? What? What? Four trajectory. Did you go from this awakening moment?

00:05:43 Tracy Wilson
So this is kind of where the podcast started for me. Um, because I thought about how I was feeling about motherhood, and I’m like, I can’t be the only one out here feeling this way. Like there are people that that want to raise their kids in a way that their kids have freedom and ability to move and be who they are, but also not forget about what they have on their own place, their own dreams of their own aspirations for life. So I just wanted to talk to mothers about really pressing forward in their dreams and aspirations. Then, if you need to make your kids a part of that, then you can do that as well. Um, I was just talking to my mom the other day and my daughter, who’s the six year old, has gotten really interested in graphics. And so she wants to work on Campbell a lot. I’m like, Oh, I’m about to make this girl do my graphics for my podcast. I’m

00:06:35 April Grant
having the same discussion with my eight year

00:06:37 Tracy Wilson
old, So I feel you there.

00:06:39 Tracy Wilson
I’m like, I’m just gonna make it about Inc on every level, um, and not use it as something that is going to hold me back. And so I’ve really just tried to push forward with my kids in that way to be like Okay, so this is what I got on my plate, and you can be incorporated in this and then give them an opportunity to also learn some loot things and just be available thio to them in the ways that they need to me to be available as well. So there are so many different facets of it that

00:07:15 Tracy Wilson
I maybe didn’t think of when I was pregnant at 40. All I could think about was not being to do the things that I wanted to do any more. And it’s just like that. Okay, the way that I wanted to go, that’s OK, but there are still things that I could do Do not give up on what I have for myself. So I had to keep telling myself those things over and over. And I mean, I still do every day. Sometimes I wake up and I’m like, I’m not ready to parent a six year old today. I’m not ready. Thio, don’t feel like being a teacher. I’m not, you know, I wanna goto work. I’m just All that stuff is just, um it’s draining. But I I just wake up and I say, Okay, this is gonna be a great day. We’re gonna get through this and whatever we don’t get through. We can save that for tomorrow, you know? So

00:08:03 Tracy Wilson
all those things, I think that’s really great. Hey, so I have a question. One of the things that you’re talking about. I love how you’re talking about how you incorporate your Children into some of your goals. And it’s one of the things that makes me think about Tony Morris and how she wouldn’t close the door and let her son come in while she was writing. So how did I think that is really great. What kind of advice or what do you? What kind of lessons do you think that teaches your kids when you’re letting them come in? Is seeing how you are still pushing through with your goals and your incorporating them.

00:08:32 Tracy Wilson
I would like to speak directly to my daughter pertaining to that. Um, it teaches you to take care of yourself. Um, and I think that they get to see that in a big way that I do do things to take care of myself inside of the home, as faras pushing forward with dream, the visions and also outside of the home. I do not stay here all day and I don’t feel guilty about it. I mean, in cove, it Yes, I stay here all day, way are all staying here are way. But when um, like you know, there’s there’s things that I want to do I I leave my house,

00:09:11 Tracy Wilson
I have a whole husband and I let him take care of his own Children. Um, this was like a big thing with being my mom just because of generational gap. She would be like,

00:09:22 Tracy Wilson
Oh, he’s at home with the kids again. And I’m like he is their whole father. Yes, he is. And I am not there, you know? So I have Thio incorporate, like

00:09:32 Tracy Wilson
being able to take care of myself like you said, and letting them walk in and see what I’m doing in the process and letting them be involved, but also making sure that when I don’t want to do this and I don’t feel up to it that I get out of here because it’s going to make me a better person at the end of the day and not feel guilty about it, Um, I locked my door. I take baths. I’m like, I’m not. No one can talk to me right now, and I don’t feel bad about it. At first I used to feel like, Oh, that sounds so harsh. Er, that sounds so mean. But, hey, these kids are resilient. They get it, they get it. They’re like, Okay, so, yeah, let’s give her a couple of feet of space right now, and then she’ll be back and they can’t even see that I’m better. So I hope that answered the question. I feel like I got on a ramble. No,

00:10:22 April Grant
it’s OK, but it made me think about, um how

00:10:27 April Grant
for? To protect my sleep and our marital relationship. My husband and I ended up having to lock the door for the kids. The girls coming in because the six and eight year old for me are both girls. They would come in in the middle of the night every night and we would put them back. And then it was It was like one. The first night we put him back. Once they were stay in bed and then each night it would get worse. They come back a couple of times, they come in earlier. Next thing you know, they’re going to sleep with us and they’re waking up with us. And I was just like, I can’t do this. I need to sleep. We’re not. You know, there’s no intimate time with us because we got two little girls laying in the bed and I love them dearly, but they gotta go. So we locked the door. And so every once in a while, maybe every six months, they kind of revert back, and I don’t know why, and we gotta do it in. That was nice. All right, You guys can come in and the first night is always hard. You know, they got the tears, but then they just go to bed in their own room. They’re very resilient. They just you’re like, Guess what? We can’t go in there no way have found them on the couch a couple

00:11:32 Tracy Wilson
of times. E think that’s great about what both of you are doing, though, is that you’re also teaching your kids to value your time and there by valuing their time, and they’re gonna learn that they all get their own kind of private time and space to and so that that teaches a lot of respect. I think that’s really awesome.

00:11:51 Tracy Wilson
Yeah,

00:11:52 Tracy Wilson
I I agree, you know, and and respect is a top thing. Like you said by saying that this is our space and we value spending our time together as a married couple. And we value you are asleep. Lord Jesus, do I value my sleep like, No, you can’t come in here and also giving them the ability to I do that to them to like, if they are mid in the middle of doing something. Um, I try to say, Okay, I’m gonna give you 15 more minutes to do that because I value your time and your space. And I don’t want to, like, stop you made Because I know how that feels for me. Somebody’s like, Oh, you gotta pivot. Now it’s time to do this. Eso I give them the same respect that I expect them to give me. So it’s a reciprocal thing around here.

00:12:37 April Grant
That’s nice. I mean, I do that as well with the kids, you know? I try to give them their space. I tried like, I guess, a new video game drop last week or something on My son really wanted to play it, and it was supposed to be, like all day long. I have no idea what it was, but it was something with his friends. He keeps pretty PG games, so I’m not thinking the games crazy or whatever, But he’s like, Yeah, drops it like one o’clock and I was going to go online and play it with my friends. And last week I had made this determination. I make a lot of plans for us as a family, and I never follow through because I give up because it gets frustrating cause I gotta force everybody to do it. But eso Last week I decided Harry Potter was on our Harry Potter. The entire Siris was on. I was like, You know what? We are going to spend this week watching the movies every night. We’re going to come together and watch the movie. Well, there’s eight of them, so that meant two on Friday to on Saturday and two on Sunday. So my son told me about this game and I was like, Okay, so what we’ll do is we’ll watch one before that one o’clock,

00:13:45 April Grant
and then you spend a good you know, four or five hours playing your game is that enough time? And I asked him, Is that enough time? Can you play four or five hours with your friends and then come back to us around six o’clock and then we can watch the other movie together. And he was like, That’s perfect. So he got what he wanted. I got what I wanted,

00:14:04 April Grant
and we all enjoyed eight Harry Potter film.

00:14:07 Tracy Wilson
It just makes life so much easier. And I mean, it’s not always possible to work it out that way. Like so sometimes, yes, there are times that I just have to say this is what we’re doing us it. No questions or whatever, but for the most part, if I could give them an opportunity to make some kind of decision for the that was even if over this decisions work in my favor, at least they think, yeah, at least they think that they actually have had a choice in the matter of Okay. All right. So I did get to pick what I wanted to do. So I try to do that a lot just to cut down on confusion s

00:14:44 April Grant
so Okay, so tell us about your melon ated moms Podcast What? Um what topics do you cover? Do you have host? Do you have a co host? Do you have interviews? Tell us about it.

00:14:58 Tracy Wilson
So, like I said, it was born out of having the second set of Children. I do not have a co host. I interview a lot of guests, Uh, mostly moms, all moms at this point, just about what they’re doing to fulfill themselves to keep themselves filled up. And I also interview moms about what they do to keep their Children filled up. Um, and I wanted to tell a story, too, about something that caused me to realize that raising creative and innovative Children can really pay off. So this is a story about my 24 year old who is now a wildly successful D J in the San Francisco Bay area. Yeah. So I am this boy. He had me. I mean, he had me running. When I tell you guys, he had me running all around since he was about seven years old. That’s when he really got into wanting to be a d. J. So there were places, hear, music centers, or whatever, where you could go and play on people’s D J equipment. So every single weekend we were at thes music centers. Every single time I turned around, he had a plan for my life where I was gonna be driving him or where I was going to be participating in these different activities. And

00:16:16 Tracy Wilson
I wasn’t as flexible back then as I am now, Um, I wanted to force him to do things. You know, we say a boy should all play sports or boys should all be doing this or you need to do this activity. So I was forcing him into all these boxes that he didn’t want to be in.

00:16:32 Tracy Wilson
And he just told me one day that I’m gonna be a D j and pretty much you need to let me do this. And so I said, Okay, so if you if this doesn’t work out, like, what’s your Plan B? And he said there isn’t a plan B. This is it. This is what I’m gonna dio. So that’s when I decided to get behind him and let him do what he wanted to do creatively. I think we ah, lot of us come here knowing what we want to do. with our lives. Then we get people telling us that that could never work. What else are you gonna dio? What is your other plan? And so then I had to really decide that maybe something has been spoken into his life that I don’t know about yet. So I need to be able to get behind that and let him do what he wants to do. And when I tell you that he took off, like, immediately after I said, Okay, forget it. I’m gonna not try to force you to play football or do martial arts or whatever his career and the way that he was able to meet people and moving the deejay scene took off at an amazing rate. He, um, DJs on the radio every Friday night here. He has been on Sirius X M radio a few times, and he is, like, on the club scene constantly when we’re not. So yeah, I think that, um, finally just letting myself say Okay, this is what you want to do. This is what I’m gonna let you do. I’m going to get behind your creative ambitions and dreams, and I’m trying to do that to the little ones as well. So I think that melon ated mom podcast really tries to speak Thio moms about doing that. And I really try to have moms on who are joint creative things with their kids and letting other mothers know that this is, um, to me, like a new trend in life. Your kids do have ideas, and they do have dreams and goals that they could get accomplished and that they may know that they want to do. Like I said, that don’t necessarily line up with what dream or vision you may have for their lives. So

00:18:36 April Grant
well, I mean to piggyback off that. So I think it even.

00:18:40 April Grant
It’s even harder when you’re in a black family. Um, because the expectation is they must, as especially black boy. He must like sports. And that was something I always struggled with with my son because me and my husband are actually fairly athletic.

00:18:55 April Grant
So I just wanted him to play something, anything, and he take to something, and then it would just fall away. I’ll be like, You want to do it again? No, I don’t want to do it again. The longest we had was tennis, and he did that for three seasons. And then he’s like, I’m done with that, too. I’m like, Can’t

00:19:12 Tracy Wilson
you do anything athletic, like Let’s get out there and go play

00:19:15 April Grant
And he’s like, No, I just want to draw So he just draws and he draws and draws and creates and builds and draws and, you know, and he’s great. He’s a great teacher to my younger one. So he spends a bunch of time, you know, teaching them how to do things. They all draw together. I cannot draw worth anything. And so I watched the three of them and they draw. I mean, for six years old, like you could see

00:19:39 April Grant
good proportions and good sizes. And he’s teaching them how to do that, not me. And so it’s just allowing them to kind of give into each other,

00:19:50 April Grant
um, and allow them to just flourish in their own respect. And I think now that we are mawr oven entrepreneurial society and we’re quite frankly at the stage where our college degrees aren’t paying off like they thought they would, we’re not. I’m not nearly as excited sending my son to college right now. Then I was when I had him when I had him, I was like, Yes, you’re gonna go. You’re gonna do this And then I’m looking at my student loan debt. I’m like and he’s 16. I still got student loan debt

00:20:22 April Grant
and I don’t want that life for him if that’s not the direction he wants to go.

00:20:27 April Grant
So it’s a lot. Let it

00:20:28 Tracy Wilson
go.

00:20:30 Tracy Wilson
It is. I totally agree with that. My son was even in college. Hey, went to community college route and then he ended up at the university and he didn’t finish because he never wanted to do it in the first place. We were getting behind him and pushing him and kind of priding in that way. And, of course, first, you know, when your parents tell you that you should do something you want, they want to make us happy, they want to please us. And then one day he said he’s not going back, and I’m like, You know what? That has to be a decision that you make for yourself. Maybe at 35 you will decide that college is important, can Maybe not, and that’s okay. I’m not paying for that. time you went to school, though, you’re gonna have to pay for that, you know? Yes, he got some loans, so he’s gonna have to pay for it. But at the same time, I’m not gonna push you to do the things that you don’t wanna dio. And like you said, it’s no longer paying off in the way that it paid off for us when we were in school. So yeah, yeah,

00:21:33 Tracy Wilson
I’m interested both of you ladies to talk about how creative your Children are. How did do you think creativity inspired you? All your own creative interest is Well,

00:21:45 Tracy Wilson
I definitely think that it did. Um, watching my son, Um, he teaches me so much. He’s always like Mom. What do you want to do? Like whatever it is that you want to do, you should trade chase after that. And I even look at the younger ones too. I’m just a watcher. Like I try to watch what they’re interested in, and I try try to push them in that direction by signing them up for things and that sort of thing. But, um, just watching them, like being free to do what they want to Dio. It really does push me in the direction of just following dreams. It’s like, what’s the worst thing that could happen? It doesn’t work. OK, so you move on to the next thing. It’s not a big deal. I think that

00:22:27 Tracy Wilson
before I would get so caught up in fear. I don’t know if you have this thing, April with the podcast, about how is it going to go or you know who’s gonna listen or am I gonna be be able to keep up with and then it’s like if it doesn’t work, I just don’t do it anymore. It’s that simple. And so I think that kids have that that mindset of like Okay, so we will approach things from many different avenues and one of them is gonna work. And so I want to get more of a childlike faith when it comes to following some of the things that I want to do because they don’t have a problem saying that. Okay, well, I didn’t draw that perfectly today. I will try again tomorrow, or maybe I will approach it from a different angle, and I think if we as adults can jump on that to that, we would lead much happier lives. And in turn, we wouldn’t be trying to force our kids to do all the things that we never wanted to dio. That’s true. That’s true.

00:23:21 April Grant
Um, well, I think for me it was more

00:23:26 April Grant
me trying to be encouraging for them. Waas

00:23:31 April Grant
had shone a light on how I was treating myself so I would allow them to be in perfect and, you know, celebrate when they finish the drawing, as opposed to criticizing it, saying that looks nice And

00:23:44 Tracy Wilson
sometimes I would

00:23:44 April Grant
ask them questions like, Hey, don’t you think his head looks a little big? But I wouldn’t criticize the whole project. I would just say maybe we could work on this and I realized that in talking to them, I didn’t do that for myself. I didn’t allow myself to make mistakes. I didn’t allow myself to given in perfect project. I would just and this is how my eight year old is very much like me. If I didn’t think I could do it perfect, I wouldn’t do it at all. So I would just shut down and just say I’m not good at it, like drawing I still say it. I’m not good at drawing,

00:24:17 April Grant
and part of that is I used to do drawings and people are like, What is that? That was the question they would always ask. Well, what is that? I came to tell what that is, and it was just so heartbreaking because especially when you’re little, you think you’re doing a good job. And when someone just goes well, what is that? You know? And there are ways about it. There’s a ways to work around it. So, you know, you instead say, Hey, tell me what this is, you know? And it’s really the way you say it versus what you say.

00:24:48 April Grant
And I realized I was just being so much I was so critical of myself. But I didn’t want them to feel that criticism. And so I had to really start changing the way I thought about myself and change the way I, um, spoke to myself on top of speaking to them. Absolutely.

00:25:09 April Grant
So Okay, um

00:25:12 April Grant
and so tell us about you were started going into the podcast realm. So tell us a little bit more about some of the topics. What are some of the favorite topics that you’d like to discuss on the podcast.

00:25:27 April Grant
I

00:25:27 Tracy Wilson
really like the podcast where I get to talk to moms about being free enough with themselves to explore their own dreams. So I’ve had people on who have started businesses. I’ve I’ve had people on who are just beginning to realize that their dreams are just as important as their Children’s dreams. I had have had people on who just continue to wrap their dreams up inside of what their Children have going on. They kind of are doing what I’m doing. They’re bringing their Children on board to do the things that they want to do. They’re getting them involved in the things that they want to do as well. So it’s just been a plethora of people that I’ve had on some really exciting guests. I’m really exciting topics. I am excited to go further in it. This is just Ah, little over a year for me in the podcast, so I’m still calling myself kind of brand new so but I am enjoying the ride so far, and I’m looking forward to continuing to grow and continue to have even more amazing people on as I go forward.

00:26:29 Tracy Wilson
Well, um, okay. Well, where can we find you? Online?

00:26:34 Tracy Wilson
I can be found. E have a website. And it is Mel unaided mom dot com. I also can be found on Instagram. Where I hang out at most of the time is at Mellon aided Mom podcast. And I also have a Facebook page, which is Mel unaided hyphen. Mom. So those are the three places that I usually am. And like I said, I’m usually on instagram the most

00:26:56 April Grant
nice. Nice. Do you have any other questions, Renee, before we log off?

00:27:00 Tracy Wilson
No, I just I’m really excited to have gotten a chance to talk to you, Tracy, and hear your perspective and your story. And I love the awakening on the other side of 40 because that’s really just that that moment when I was younger, just kind of thinking that, you know, by 40 you have to have everything figured out. But it’s just great that this awakening happened. And you you’re able thio just kind of shine on. And that’s a wonderful inspiration. Toe toe mothers and women alike. So thank you for sharing

00:27:25 Tracy Wilson
Renee in April. Thank you so much for having me on this was really fun. And it also caused me toe to think about my waking in a little bit more. And so I appreciate you ladies having me on today.

00:27:35 April Grant
Oh, and we appreciate having you

00:27:38 April Grant
have a great day. Yeah. Thank you so much. Take care. Take care. Bye.

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