The Other Side of 40 is a dedicated space to women who have made positive changes in their lives after the age of 40. Join host, April Grant, as she highlights women to help you find inspiration and support as you start the next chapter of your life.
Today we are joined by Susan Goudy, an empowerment advisor and public speaker who is also certified in neuro-physical reprogramming and Bio-Energetic Synchronization Technique. She is also a social worker and author of two books: The Journey from Fear to Love is Shorter than You Think and 10 Ways to Eliminate drama from your life: Easy Ways to be More Productive and Successful in Your Work and in Your Life.
Sexual Assault- This episode discusses sexual assault of a child and recurring trauma associated with this harrowing act.
Continuing with the theme of reprogramming and healing yourself, Susan gives us the specifics on B.E.S.T. (Bio-Energetic Synchronization Technique). It is a technique that is non-invasive and is designed to get to the core of what is weighing you down. B.E.S.T is a way to empower you as you clear out the negative energy that is causing you stress and pain. Now a successful practitioner of the method, she shares her journey from trauma to healing and credits this technique, created by Dr. Morter, to her success.
Susan also gives us three short steps to move from fear to love: become aware, take the steps to solve the problems, and learn to make yourself a priority. Taking care of yourself first allows you to be present in your everyday life without feeling resentment or residual anger. Listen in to learn about self-healing, self-love, and self-care so that you can live your best life.
Where to Find Susan Goudy?
- Facebook: Author Susan Goudy
- IG: SusanGoudyPower
- Twitter: @SusanGoudy1
Listen to more episodes, click here!
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00:00:20 April Grant
Welcome to this week’s episode of the other side of 40.
00:00:25 April Grant
Today we have Susan Ghouti. She is an empowerment adviser in Public Speaker whose also so certified in neuro physical reprogramming, bio energetic synchronization technique.
00:00:41 April Grant
He has a master’s degree in social work, and she is an author. UH, two books. The journey from Fear to Love is shorter than you think and 10 ways to eliminate drama from your life. As someone who likes to live drama free, I can’t wait to hear more about that. Um, her education has letter in the direction of psychology, personal development and techniques for programming reprogramming the subconscious Mind to hell physical as well as deep rooted emotional issues peaked at as a direct result from a traumatic childhood experience that ultimately laid the foundation for her entire life. So we have actually had a couple of episodes talking about reprogramming. So I love the fact that this is going to be part of, I guess, a little miniseries that we have going on here. Um, and really getting deeper into figuring out
00:01:42 April Grant
00:01:44 April Grant
or how we were raised has a direct impact on our future and our growth
00:01:50 April Grant
and how we can change that for to make sure that we have the future that we ultimately desire.
00:01:57 April Grant
So, um, I asked all these questions, this question of all my guests.
00:02:02 April Grant
What was your awakening moment and take us through it? And what did you do with it?
00:02:06 Susan Goudy
Hi, April. Um Well, at 41 I was living in Arizona and we were living in a nice home and I had my four Children. My last child was five years old, six years old at that time. And my husband was not, um, not happy with where we were living, and I he was hemming and hawing about whether or not we should move. And we’ve been to Colorado Springs several times into Colorado and absolutely loved it. And so hey, couldn’t make a decision. And my husband traveled a lot. And so he was. He had he he was making lots of decisions, and I was taking care of Children. I was raising my Children. I have a masters degree. So I was trying to do some things on the side, also continuing to work part time, creating a business, trying to do all of that. But with four Children and my husband was always gone. So I he was like I said, having and hawing about what to do and wanted to move. He had an opportunity to work in Colorado Springs, and it was an awakening moment because I just stepped up and said, Then we’re going to do it And I hired a real estate agent and I put my house on the market and actually fired my first real estate agent E So I mean, but it was It was really an awakening moment because I made the decision. I took the bull by the horns and I just said, Okay, enough. This is what we’re going to dio. So I put the house up for sale. The first agent, um, didn’t agree with what I wanted to price my house for. He said it would never sell for that, that no, no other house in the neighborhood had sold for that much. He told me I was trying to sell it for, like, 90,000 over what any other house had sold for, and I ignored him and I fired him because he wouldn’t cooperate with me because I had put my my heart in my soul and all of my love into that home where I had been raising my Children. E knew what it was worth in my heart. I knew it was worth a lot. And eso I mean, I had some, you know, ideas of how I wanted to sell it. Who I wanted to sell it. Thio. And so I hired another realtor, and we put the house up for what I asked for. He also thought I was nuts, but he went along with me. And lo and behold, I actually sold that house for 100,000 higher than any other home in the neighborhood. Yeah, I stuck to my guns and I eso it was quite It was a big deal that I stepped up. And then I moved my family. We moved from Arizona. Thio sold my house for much more than I. You know, Anybody thought I could. And then I moved to my family. My husband and I moved, and we’ve been here for 15 years now and then, um, when I got here within two years, I was 42. Um, that’s I wrote a book. I it was another like that awakening moment led to another one, and I wrote a book. And then as I was writing my book, um, it’s called The Journey from Fear to love is shorter than you think. I realized a zai was writing it and I was doing the cover for it. It wasn’t until I was in the process
00:05:45 Susan Goudy
that I realized that the book was actually related to the trauma that you mentioned in the introduction that occurred before I was even three years old.
00:05:55 April Grant
00:05:57 April Grant
Can you tell us a little bit about that? The trauma that you experienced?
00:06:01 Susan Goudy
Yeah. So before I was three, I was sexually abused by a neighbor boy who was 16 and, yeah, he was actually they were, you know, they were our neighbors. They were friends. I was friends with his little sister, Andi and, you know, and I remember exactly I remember the abuse. I remember exactly what happened. So but for the family moved, they just kind of disappeared at that. I didn’t know and understand what happened until later. My father apparently had talked to his father, and by the time I was six, that’s when I know the family was no longer there. So apparently it 63 years later, I was a six year old kid telling all my friends what happened. Wow. Yeah, including his sister and I, you know, six year olds are brave.
00:07:01 Susan Goudy
I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, So I was just telling them this is what happened, and I was being accused of lying. Um, but the family ended up moving because my father went over and he
00:07:15 Susan Goudy
his father, the boy’s father, who happened to be a minister, um, came over to my house and and accused my my family of spreading rumors and trying to make their make them look bad or something. And when my father explained to him none of us were saying anything, we’ve No, it had to be. They called me. Suzy had to be Susie. And that’s when his father was shocked and so upset and hurt and concerned and felt so horrible for me that he packed up his family and they moved.
00:07:51 Susan Goudy
So, um, yeah, and so as I went through the years,
00:07:56 Susan Goudy
all of this, you know, I had obviously, um,
00:08:00 Susan Goudy
some effects from that, as I was growing up like fears and
00:08:07 Susan Goudy
and and nightmares and different things like that. And I didn’t understand until I was much older. I was in college and I was in social work classes, and I was taking a class on flashbacks. We’re talking about flashbacks, and that’s when I started to realize, Oh, my goodness. All this all these things, these weird things. You know, I just I was had on I didn’t know why. I was so afraid of, like, afraid of the dark, you know, Tried to go in my basement afraid of different things. And I would get, like, almost panic attacks on. I started to understand that as I was going through school and learning more about those types of things, so
00:08:49 April Grant
well, that makes sense. Um, but that must have been extremely scary for such a young girl. Um, go through it. And I don’t know, I I always boggles my mind when the first response to something that traumatic parents have not parent your parents, but a parent could have
00:09:11 April Grant
that. They are the kids lying, like even the thought that the kid would be lying about something so
00:09:19 April Grant
00:09:22 Susan Goudy
well, my mom said there was definite evidence that it had happened. So she she had visit. There was physical evidence because I’d come home and she she saw. So they my parents were And this was back in 1960
00:09:38 Susan Goudy
seven. So and it was in Chicago, and there was no nothing like Child Protective Services or anything like that. So I mean, I credit my parents a lot for the way they handled it.
00:09:52 Susan Goudy
00:09:53 Susan Goudy
00:09:54 April Grant
Yeah, I would assume so. I mean, goodness, I’ve heard a lot of stories, and often the parents don’t believe the child. And it’s just for me. It just sounds heartbreaking because, you know, you can’t I couldn’t imagine not believe in my child when something like that. I mean, yeah, they may have not have put away their dish, but e I
00:10:17 Susan Goudy
don’t think I verbalized it to them, though I was because I wasn’t even three years old. It was two months before my third birthday. So it was more the physical evidence and how I was behaving. And I started having nightmares and, um, just different things. Gagging issues and, um, different things that that made my mom alerted my mom. But immediately when I came home she knew something had happened and my dad did g o and talked to his father and the boy was sent away. That was I mean, there was no Child protective services or anything like that. So, um, they did the best they could to and they sent him from what I was told to stay with a mean old aunt that was gonna whip him into shape. So
00:11:05 April Grant
well, they did. They took some action. So that Z, that’s positive. Um, so when you said so, when you take took your psychology classes, that was in your master’s program. And
00:11:18 Susan Goudy
I was, Yeah, I was taking social work, sociology and, you know, psychology. All of those different kinds of classes and I can’t remember was a psychology class or what, But it was I just remember it was we were talking about flashbacks on and I suddenly had, like, a flashback in the middle of class and was like, Oh, my gosh. I mean, And then it started to come together. I started to understand all these I’m knowing, like I couldn’t understand the fears I had. You know, I just thought I was just a little bit maybe over. Reactive. Silly. What was You know what was wrong with me? Why was I? The boy was Hispanic and so like I would be. And I lived in Chicago in my neighborhood was very diverse. So it wasn’t like I didn’t see darker skinned people around me all the time. I mean, that’s just the way it waas, right? If a if a boy or man which they would hoot and holler at you all the time if you were walking down the street is a teenage girl and stuff. Um So if I would have somebody, particularly someone of darker color Putin a holler and scream, Yeah, you know, say sexual type things toward me. I do remember as a teenager I would like my friends would laugh and just keep going and I would stop and be like, almost like I was. E couldn’t breathe and panicking. Andi, like I have to get away. I have to get away. We have have toe Like I felt like I had to run and hurry and my friends were like, What’s wrong with you? I mean, they’re just, you know, this happens all the time. Big deal and I couldn’t at that time. Really? I didn’t know I was. It was an automatic reaction. I was very frightened. So and then I moved to Arizona and Arizona. There are a lot of Hispanics and I do remember a particular time and, uh
00:13:13 Susan Goudy
ah, grocery store parking lot. And I was going with a friend who I just met. So she really didn’t know me very well, getting to know a neighbor and we went to the store, went to go back to get in the car, and it was getting dark. And two Hispanic men were making, you know, just gestures and saying things. They weren’t going to do anything, but they were saying things that triggered it again. It was sexual kind of things, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t get my car key and the car I was in a total panic. And here I am with this person who didn’t really know me. I’m trying to make friends and I’m like, I can’t And she was just like, What’s going on? I’m like, e got finally got the car key in and got in the car, but I I mean, I just would go into a total total panic. And even at that time, I was 21 still trying to understand Where is this
00:14:08 Susan Goudy
coming from? It would just overtake me.
00:14:11 April Grant
So you you you realize from the class
00:14:15 April Grant
that a lot of that trauma had was playing a part in your day to day life. So what did you do with that? Once you got that knowledge, did you go to therapy? Did you push it back down? Um, what exactly happened between college and turning 40?
00:14:34 Susan Goudy
Well, I was in a lot of pain in college, and that was part of this, too. And I didn’t know I was in so much pain. I had a lot of back pain and stuff. Um, and so in college, I actually started seeing somebody to help me physically on hey was doing very gentle technique, just touching points and gently trying to adjust and adjust my body and help me to feel better. And it did help. But when I moved to Arizona, I was looking for somebody to continue to help me because I was still having those pains. And he suggested the doctor in Illinois said, If you’re going to see somebody make sure they’re using something called kinesiology, which works with the muscles in his gentle. He didn’t want someone popping and cracking because he’s like you’re doing something different. So I found a chiropractor and he used a technique called best. And that’s the bio energetic synchronization technique and that was created by a chiropractor who realized that his adjustments were not holding. And then when he created this technique where he was touching certain points, um, you know, pressure points, that the balancing or the adjustment he did would hold. So he then went further and realized, You know, it’s not about just the physical body. This is the emotional, the physical, the entire body. Everything together needs to be worked on together. It can’t be separated. So the technique working with best and working with the doctor that I worked with their is where I really cleared stuff out. But I didn’t clear like huge clearing until I was about 27 when I had a two year old daughter
00:16:29 Susan Goudy
and, um, I went with my two year old.
00:16:33 Susan Goudy
Suddenly I was having scientists infection after scientists infection, and I was sick all the time, and I couldn’t figure it out. And I went to see this best doctor
00:16:44 Susan Goudy
and I went in that day and I swear it was like I was waving my white flag going. I surrender, I surrender. I have to know what’s going on. I
00:16:52 April Grant
can’t I can’t do this
00:16:53 Susan Goudy
anymore. Yeah, I have a two year old. I’m you know, I just what’s going on? And I went in and he worked with me. And the technique brings up emotions and words and things. And so he on that day took me into a private room because the first thing that came up with sexual abuse
00:17:13 Susan Goudy
00:17:13 April Grant
00:17:13 Susan Goudy
never told never told him anything about any of this. So I was like, I was actually angry at first. I was like, Well, were you spying on me? And how do you know? Because, I mean, I never told him anything about it, so they took me in a private room because of the subject matter, and we finished the balancing. That’s what they’re called on, Bond, and basically best will clear out interference. And so we cleared out the interference that was in my body. In my being, in my spirit, my energy that was interfering with me being able to be healthy and well and live, Ah, vibrant life. And it was all related to the sexual abuse before I was three.
00:17:59 Susan Goudy
So and on that day, I can tell you two things that happened from that day forward. One I I had let me step back from it. I had a re occurring nightmare my entire life since I was abused. And it was like waking up blood curdling screams, you know, White as a ghost, just just that kind of nightmare. And it was night every night, and it was also related. I realized, as I was doing my book and doing the cover for it, that it was related to the abuse. Um, so the nightmare went away after the best treatment that totally went away. Never have had it again. And the Sinus infections in one way. And I’ve never had another one. Never had another. So that was a huge,
00:18:48 Susan Goudy
you know that Just what a relief. I was ableto to go on and live my life and E had three more Children and no more nightmares, no more Sinus infections. And, you know, it’s it was quite amazing. So that was a big, big shift.
00:19:06 April Grant
So at 41 you decided that, you know, your family needed a different
00:19:11 April Grant
scenery, a different lifestyle. So you move from Arizona to Colorado? Um, I’ve never been in Colorado. I’d love to go. One day. I’ve been to Arizona. Um, and my sister lives there. I’ve gotta I’ve got some family in Arizona. Um, but I really want to check out some of the mountains in Colorado. A mountain girl, much
00:19:32 Susan Goudy
pikes Peak is out my window right here. Pike Mountain. And I climbed it last September, so
00:19:39 April Grant
Oh, nice. Um, yeah, I’m actually a mountain girl. Even though I’ve lived close to the beach most of my life,
00:19:47 April Grant
I had much rather live close to a mountain anyway. Uh, so but then you moved, got settled in. And the first thing you do after you move a family of four toe a brand new spot is decided to write a book. How exactly?
00:20:02 Susan Goudy
That was Linda. In the first couple of years, I decided to write a book. I was 42. So we moved. I moved in at 41 at 42 Yeah, I My husband was working all the time. I had a practice back in Arizona, out of my house and the home I bought here. I didn’t think it through. It wasn’t a good place to have a practice because I am a best practitioner s o. I was I was working with clients and in this home wasn’t it wasn’t a good spot for it because they would have to walk upstairs and a lot of my clients would come in with physical things going on. So I needed for them to be able to just walk right into a room and not have to go upstairs. Eso I struggled and tried to find a office space and all of those different things, and I finally just kind of got fed up with
00:20:57 April Grant
00:20:58 Susan Goudy
to make that work and force that to work. So I decided, Well, how can I reach more people than just one on one? What can I do to help as many people as I possibly can? So I decided I’m going to write this book, but I really didn’t think it would. I would It would go anywhere. I didn’t think, you know, I just thought I’m just going to write a book and see what happens, and I’ll hand it out to people or whatever s o. I came up with the title. The Journey from Fear Toe Love. It’s shorter than you think, because it related to the whole idea of with best about how your thoughts affect your affect your life, your physical being, your everything about your life
00:21:41 Susan Goudy
positively or negatively. And then I was creating the book. Um, and I wrote I had my nephew help me do the cover, which I put a maze on the cover because I was doing the journey from fear to love. So I put this maze on the cover and I said I wanted Teoh. You know, in my mind, it was like these concrete tall walls and you’re trying to get through this, you know, solid maze and the walls air over way over your head. And so I was creating that with him. I started writing the book, and, um as I was looking at the cover one day, actually,
00:22:22 Susan Goudy
I woke up in the middle of the night and I realized, Oh, my goodness, that I always dreaming about the book cover and the book cover was
00:22:31 Susan Goudy
was from my nightmare that I had all those years ago and I thought, Oh, my God. What What is this? It was it was because the nightmare was that I was running through a maze and I was trying to get away from a tall man tough, much bigger than me. He was all in black, but he had a white face mask on, so I couldn’t see his face. And every night it was the same nightmare he was chasing me through this maze. But it was concrete walls, like tall concrete walls around me, and I couldn’t just run through. It was like I was on the top of a building running through these concrete walls trying to get out, and I would I never did get out. But I would wake up and from the nightmare and be screaming, and it was like I never got away from him. Well, when I was abused, I was abused, uh, in a concrete entrance way to a basement in Chicago. And I was again, not even three. So I was down in the concrete. It would go down some steps and you were It was like a, you know, a concrete entrance way to the basement.
00:23:43 April Grant
And then you look ginormous compared to you, especially.
00:23:46 Susan Goudy
I was e no, it was Yeah, I was on the floor and he was above me. I know that. So And I was in a corner in the concrete. I mean, I know. I remember what happened and years after that occurred, I did go through hypnotherapy. And so I did. It was confirmed and my parents were there and they confirmed lots of things. Like what I was wearing that day, my mom, because I remembered it. And there So anyway, yeah, I as I was writing the book, I’m like, Oh, my goodness, this is the This is the maze from that nightmare that I hadn’t had in years. So here he was, at 41 42 writing a book
00:24:33 Susan Goudy
and not even realizing that the book was totally related to the trauma that occurred before. I was three, and that’s where it was coming from. And the whole book is about the steps I took to heal
00:24:46 Susan Goudy
from that trauma. But I was writing it and not even relating that that’s where it was coming from until I did the cover with my nephew and I was like
00:24:56 Susan Goudy
that. And then I had the dream and woke up and went. That’s the That’s the nightmare that was so the hair says Nightmare that’s turned into this beautiful thing. That is, the journey from fear to love is shorter than you think. And it’s how to get away from that fear and move toe love and living in that space.
00:25:18 April Grant
That’s awesome. Um, so you did mention that you are now a best practitioner. Um, can you tell us some of the fundamentals of best? Because this is the first time I’m hearing about it. I would not be surprised at this. Is it first time that many people are hearing about it? So can you tell us a little bit about what that means? And, um, yeah, let’s just start with that because I have a server E
00:25:43 Susan Goudy
that looked. It was created by Dr Mortar, Um, probably close to 50 years ago. Now his whole all of his Children still practice it, and it’s best because he shortened it because of the bio energetic synchronization technique. So that’s why it’s shortened the best. Um, and it’s basically like I said, uh, to give just a very basic because it’s if I give you too much detail, nobody will understand it. Um, but basically, like I said, it’s clearing any interference out of the body. So it could be emotional, physical, whatever the interferences that is causing your body emotionally, physically, spiritually and in every way not to be able to function at its highest level. Best clears that out, clears out the interference so that you can. It’s like hitting the restart button so that you can start fresh. So for me on the day that it was totally cleared out when I was 27 all the sexual abuse stuff when he came up with that, because if we it’s like peeling away at an onion, as you’re you’re doing best, you’re peeling away and peeling away the layers well by 27 having a two year old child that triggered all of that for me, the abuse and that looking at her and it triggered something in me cause Sinus infections. That’s my belief. It cause Sinus infections, saw the best practitioner, and we got to it. Like it, like right to it that day because I was ready and I was in cooperation. I wanted to be well, so clear that out completely.
00:27:31 April Grant
When you say clear, like, what’s the process? And my are are we having a conversation as, ah, client or we Are you physically touching me? Are you like, What is what? Is that what it looks
00:27:46 Susan Goudy
00:27:47 Susan Goudy
Well, you’re you’re laying on a table like a massage table. Um, face up and you’re the practitioner is is finding contact points toe hold and you’re so it could be like at the temporal. Um, and you’re going to be told to focus on a word and you’re breathing a certain way. So you might be holding a breath or just breathing nice and easy. And as you’re focusing on that word, that word has something to do with whatever you came in with that day. So they’re finding the information. So if you said okay, my neck is hurting. Um, they’re gonna have you focused on your neck hurting, and they’re going to find the information they need. And then they’re gonna have you focus on a word and have you breathe a certain way. Look a certain direction. It’s very simple. It’s very noninvasive. They’re holding context. And Aziz, you’re going through that energetically. You’re releasing all of that stuff that’s related. That’s interfering. That’s causing the problem. So I mean, I’ve had clients come in with their heads stuck to their shoulder, you know? Can’t move their head and they will say, I don’t know what happened And then I’ll just say, Well, when did it happen or when did it start? Well, last night, what was going on before that happened? So I’ll ask more questions. Maybe while I was having a fight with my girlfriend, OK? And then they went to bed and they woke up and they couldn’t move their head. And and as we I have them focus on that neck pain or the neck being stuck and how it feels, how they feel about it and they’re breathing. And I’m holding contacts, um, literally before my eyes, I’ll see their range of motion come back before they leave my office.
00:29:37 April Grant
00:29:38 April Grant
that’s something that definitely look into because I’ve had I’ve definitely had that experience happened to me, and now that you say it it was before, Like a huge law school exam. Um, that I woke up and I literally couldn’t move. Um, my head and I had to have a friend come over and help me, like, get ready and all sorts of stuff. So it was pretty somewhat embarrassing. Um, but I needed to be taken to the doctor. Well, I didn’t know what to do with it. So I need to be taken to the doctor. Well,
00:30:10 Susan Goudy
and I’ve taken my master’s degree in social work in my counseling background, and I work with best. And of course you know. So I might I’ll talk to my clients more maybe, than a best practitioner. Well, because you don’t
00:30:23 April Grant
00:30:23 Susan Goudy
beauty of best is that you don’t have to. It’s like I said, it’s non invasive physically and emotionally noninvasive because the client doesn’t have to share with you what it is. They’re thinking about giving a word like I didn’t have to share with the practitioner, the chiropractor that day, that what he brought up, you know, he came up with sexual abuse. That was enough that he came up with those words, but I didn’t have to share any details with him. I just focused on what? That what that brought up for me. And so it’s It’s nice, because it’s not. It’s very empowering because the client is doing the work
00:31:10 Susan Goudy
you’re just facilitating and assisting them through it. But they’re doing the work. They get the credit. They’re the ones that are focusing their clearing it out there, the ones they’re taking control of their life once they go through this.
00:31:24 Susan Goudy
00:31:26 April Grant
So for this, the first book you have, because it’s the journey is shorter than you think. From fear to love is shorter than you think. What what air like three things that you did in that book that,
00:31:40 April Grant
um, got you thio from fear to love.
00:31:44 April Grant
Besides, because we kind of discuss the the best practices and, um, going down that route. What else? What are three other things that you’ve done?
00:31:56 April Grant
00:31:56 Susan Goudy
the first very first thing I did was become aware. E became aware of what What was what happened, what was causing the problem for me? I became aware, and I I took a closer look at it.
00:32:11 Susan Goudy
Um and then I I once I was aware of it. Then I took steps.
00:32:17 Susan Goudy
Thio solve my problem to do something about it, to help myself. Eso on The third thing is, uh Well, there’s so many, so many things. So I would say the biggest thing that I did was I learned how to love myself first, to make myself
00:32:36 Susan Goudy
the priority that I was the most important person in my life.
00:32:41 Susan Goudy
And, uh, yeah, and even as a mom, I mean, and, you know, women in their forties and that Ah, lot of us are at that point where we’re done having our Children. But that’s what you’ve been doing for so many years. So you get to that point in your life where you’re 40 41 you’re kind of going Well, now what? And how do I and you almost have to relearn it over and over again, like, Oh, yeah, I should take care of me first. I should take care of me first. I love myself first. Um, and I think a lot of women get stuck in a rut after raising Children and then getting into their forties. I mean, that’s what you’ve been doing. A lot of us, you know, we’re taking care of somebody, whether it’s Children or parents or whatever. Um, maybe siblings. But we’re naturally nurturing, for the most part. So learning, being ableto learn to love myself first. That was probably the biggest thing that that turned everything around.
00:33:45 April Grant
I would have to agree. Like that’s where I am now is not learning to love yourself but figuring out who I am post Children because who I was before
00:33:56 April Grant
it’s not. I wouldn’t say it’s that reasonable like,
00:34:00 April Grant
I mean, I
00:34:02 April Grant
For a long time I worked a lot and I
00:34:06 April Grant
worked out a lot, which just doesn’t work with,
00:34:11 April Grant
um, raising kids. It’s very hard to be gone. I would be gone all day like I used to not come home, Um, except for to shower and go to bed like I would just be gone. I would be running errands or just out just going places.
00:34:27 April Grant
So now, to be a mom, I get the question. Actually, quite often, you know, who are you? What do you want to do? And I’m like, I don’t even know. I couldn’t even begin to tell you what I want to do because I’ve been thinking about someone else’s needs for the last 16 years, Um, over mine. So my my oldest son is 16. It’s been almost two decades that I’ve thought about myself as a first, and that’s particularly a good thing. It’s just what it is. But we’re kind of taught in our society that once you have a kid, you put yourself on the side. You raised the kids and then once they’re done, then you can go back to you being you. But
00:35:15 April Grant
thankfully, the society is actually changing that that narrative
00:35:20 April Grant
and making it mawr. Hey, you can still be you.
00:35:24 April Grant
The kids will be all right if they don’t see you. You know,
00:35:28 April Grant
00:35:30 Susan Goudy
was ahead of I was ahead of the game, I think because I just turned 56. Um, and my oldest now is 31 I still exercise. I exercised and worked out like my whole life since I was, especially in my early twenties and I was the I was the odd one out because, like you said, the society makes you feel like as a parent and as a mom like you, you need to make them. You’re 100% focused. You don’t have time for anything else. This is the way it is. Um, you know, almost like you’ve been, um, committed. You know, you’re like this Is that your you’ve been imprisoned as a parent and you can’t do anything else. And so I would I would take my kids to, um, their preschool or whatever, because when they, by the time they were in preschool and things and I would take them to preschool and carry them in and women would be standing around talking about what they had to do that day and how busy they were. And you know, my husband’s no help, and I’m he’s gone. And I’ve got this and that and my husband was traveling to I and I would be going They do, saying so what are you going to do today? And I made the mistake one time of saying, Well, actually, I’m gonna go home and work out, and they were like, I got the dirtiest looks. I got all these sound effects, and I thought whoa, Okay. I’m never gonna tell anyone that again. But I did. I carved out the time for myself and I when I dropped them off for preschool. I would go home and get my workout in, so and I did or I would go to the gym or wherever and I would get my workout in,
00:37:11 Susan Goudy
and then I’d run an errand or whatever and I get back and pick up the kids. But by the time I got back to pick them up because I’d put myself first, loved myself first. I was 100% available and focused on them for the rest of the day. I was a better mom. I was a better spouse. I was a better friend. I was better at everything because I made myself the priority. So I don’t know if I was ahead of,
00:37:37 Susan Goudy
you know, a lot of where people were at that time because of the dirty looks and things I got because of what happened to me and the, you know, the path I was already on to self healing and taking care of myself and being aware of your being very aware of how I felt physically, physically and emotionally. I was really in touch, so I don’t know, you know, that had everything to do with it. What had happened to me when I was so young. But it’s what I talk about in the book and encourage everyone to dio like Take care of yourself first because
00:38:14 Susan Goudy
as much as we think we’re doing the right thing, Society says This is the way it should be and you look good and everybody is happy about what you’re doing and you look good doing what you’re doing. You’re not taking care of yourself and it’s gonna it’s gonna show up. It’s going to show up with, you know, you just being tired and frustrated and not as present for your Children, all of those things. So that’s part of what’s in the book is like Take care of you first. It’s not, It’s not. It’s It’s selfish, Yes, but there’s nothing wrong being selfish. It’s it’s it’s okay to be selfish. It’s not, um, self centered. There’s a difference between being self centered and selfish. It’s a health healthy, being selfish, taking care of yourself first. That’s okay,
00:39:06 April Grant
00:39:07 Susan Goudy
that’s part of what I encourage.
00:39:09 April Grant
Well, what I really liked about what you said is because you took care of yourself first. Um, when your your Children were around, you were able to be present. Um, and I find that definitely
00:39:24 April Grant
struggle for me when I don’t put myself first. When I don’t have carve out that time that I kind of feel all over the place very scattered. Um, And then if I do, you know, like this morning I went for work out. I’m going to do my work now and then after that, then spend some time with them. I feel a lot more focused to be able to spend time with them because
00:39:49 April Grant
I’ve done, I guess I’ve done me first. I did all those things. It’s not in the back of my mind. It’s not spinning. I’m not thinking about.
00:39:56 Susan Goudy
And you’re not feeling you’re not feeling resentful or or like neglected or, you know, unimportant or insignificant. You know all those feelings that creep up when we’re not taking care of ourselves first, that you’re not even aware where they’re actually coming from, and it has everything to do with not taking care of your loving yourself first, because how can you not feel that way if you’re constantly giving, giving, giving, giving and all of your energy is going to someone else or something else? right, You know, family, friends, Children and you haven’t carved out any time for you. So whether it’s exercising or it’s, you know, reading a book or it’s meditating or it’s taking a walk, whatever it is e mean, I do encourage some physical activity and getting outside if you can, you know, getting some sunshine or if you can’t get a sun lamp or something for your house. But having that that our for you, that’s your time. So that you, in the earlier you do it in the day the better. Um, yes, I would get up when I was younger and my kids were younger, I would I would get up and I was at the gym by, you know, six in the morning. Yeah, it’s six in the morning, get my workout in and then go on toe work from there because I was usually working part time or full time, depending on what was going on. So but yeah, that’s it’s so important, and it just energizes you if it
00:41:29 April Grant
does, And I definitely feel personally, I feel a difference when I do take that time out. Now, I don’t want to skip over this other book. It’s a book. The 10 Ways to Eliminate Drama from Your Life. Um, I am a big proponent of low drama. I do not like it, um, and and sometimes to a fault. And I will say it’s
00:41:55 April Grant
if I have to too much going on with somebody. I prefer just not to deal with it at all. So I’m not going to say it’s always a positive thing. Um,
00:42:06 April Grant
but I do not like drama. And ah, lot of people ask, How do I have low drama and I don’t know, I part of me. Well, just some things we’re addressing a therapy is, uh, you know, my lack of attachment to other people. Um, but in that, though, I just often don’t engage. I’m very comfortable not engaging in drama.
00:42:32 April Grant
00:42:34 April Grant
But how do you advise other people, including me? Because, I don’t know, maybe there’s certain things that I’m doing or not doing or things I could do better, uh, to not have drama but have
00:42:48 April Grant
solid relationships still
00:42:51 April Grant
00:42:51 Susan Goudy
00:42:52 Susan Goudy
I know. And I just, uh, the book has changed. The title is now 10 ways to eliminate drama from your life. Easy ways to be more productive and successful in your working in your life. So because I wanted Thio add to it so that it was something that people who are working and and in corporate and busy, busy or whatever it is that they’re doing and work also could use this book. So anyway, I the first thing, the first thing you’re saying that you’re already doing is one of the first things I would advises. Avoid it. There’s nothing wrong with avoiding it. I mean, there’s ways to do it nicely and easily, so nobody’s insulted. But you just kind of aren’t available for it. You disappear, you’re just not there. They can’t pull you into it if you’re not available so you can easily make yourself busy. Even if it’s something is, uh, silly is, you know, they’re calling and starting to get into it with you. You know what I forgot. I’ve got an appointment. I’m gonna take the dog to the groomer. I’ll have to catch up with you later. Whatever you need. Todo get away from the drama. There’s nothing wrong with that and eventually those people who are bringing that drama into your life and pulling you into it all the time. They’re going to disappear anyway because you’re not. You’re not feeding into it. You’re not available to them, and that makes you not fun for them because they like the drama. You know, people. People like drama. People are drawn to it. It’s adrenaline rushing. It’s like an adrenaline rush. It’s like, you know, there next cup of coffee is the next bit of drama, so they, they’re they’re like, addicted to it practically some. Some people are like addicted to drama. They need it to survive,
00:44:44 Susan Goudy
and it’s it’s not their fault. It’s not something. It’s just become a habit or it was what they saw when they were being raised. And it’s just how they’ve become, because that’s what they were taught are what they observed, and and now it’s become something that they can’t live without. They can, but they just have to figure out how to do it. So, yeah, they could get the book to on read the steps and go through. But somebody who’s really addicted to it and really into it isn’t going to be open to that book either. But it does help like someone like you saying I don’t like drama. I don’t want it around me. I’m not a dramatic person. I don’t get into that. There’s steps that help you tow avoid it and stay away from it too.
00:45:33 April Grant
Okay, so and what else? Because you you said you change your title. Can you give us a new title again?
00:45:39 Susan Goudy
It’s 10 ways to eliminate drama. Easy ways to be more productive and successful in your work and in your life.
00:45:47 April Grant
Okay, so can you give us at least one more way?
00:45:51 Susan Goudy
Eso let me think. Uh,
00:45:56 Susan Goudy
hang on a second. I wasn’t prepared for this. I’m sorry. Uh,
00:46:04 Susan Goudy
so, yeah, well, there’s all kinds of ways, but that one is toe. Take accountability for your for your role in it. So that’s the other
00:46:12 April Grant
00:46:13 Susan Goudy
like, if I’m sitting on the phone with somebody and I’m letting them go on and on, then I’m accountable for that because I
00:46:20 April Grant
00:46:21 Susan Goudy
know, politely made an excuse and got off the phone. So you have to take your take accountability, or if you’re the one that’s actually
00:46:28 Susan Goudy
unknowingly creating the drama.
00:46:31 Susan Goudy
You know, maybe you’re the one that actually started it. So that’s one step and then identifying the source of the drama. Where is it coming from?
00:46:41 Susan Goudy
You know, like you said, there’s there may be certain people or certain situations and
00:46:48 Susan Goudy
you know, that group or this, this thing at work or whatever that you decide. I’m I’m going to stay away from that. I’m going to avoid that once you identify the source, you could do that. So and, uh um,
00:47:04 Susan Goudy
00:47:05 April Grant
we don’t want we don’t want to give it all away because we want people to read it and by it. But what made you write this book as opposed to the other in addition to the other book?
00:47:17 Susan Goudy
Well, because when I was writing The journey from fear to love is shorter than you think. I do have a section in there about drama because I mean, that’s a part of getting away from fear. Moving closer to living Maurin Love is to get away from drama because drama is not going to be a loving, fun, uplifting, light. Feeling eso I had about I think I had a paragraph, not paragraph. I probably had a part of a chapter on it, and I just thought I should expand on that because it kept coming up.
00:47:49 Susan Goudy
The drama issue kept coming up and I thought, Boy, I really should just expand on it and this is just a short, easy book and it’s it’s full, but it’s simple and it’s easy. And I wanted to get right to the point with, you know, how to move away from drama in your life. So it came from the first book when I was getting so much feedback from people and everything was it seemed like everything they were talking about. There was drama involved in it, even if somebody had a traumatic experience like I did, Um, sometimes people will take that traumatic experience, and then they will use it in their life.
00:48:33 Susan Goudy
They might become a victim to it. And then there’s drama around that the drama that is around that whole thing, that they continue through their life. You know what? You know what I’m saying? Like if I were to say to you, Well, that’s because of what happened when I was a kid, and I love that, you know what I mean and tried to tell you everything, like making excuses and justifications for anything that wasn’t going the way I wanted it to my life or me doing something. Maybe even to you, that was, you know, mean or not nice or whatever. Well, that’s because when I was a kid, this happened and you see how then that becomes a drama in their life using that event, and it starts to become
00:49:20 Susan Goudy
drama. So I just Yeah, it totally came out of that book that there’s drama everywhere.
00:49:28 April Grant
There can be drama everywhere. It’s what you choose to do with it. Uh, you put your attention. What is that saying? Whatever you feed.
00:49:41 April Grant
Whatever. I don’t remember. I’m completely messing up the
00:49:45 Susan Goudy
monster, your feet or something. Yeah. Continues to grow
00:49:50 April Grant
something, Something to that effect. Yeah. Um and, you know, I just There’s just so many other things that I have thio like, actually have to put my time and effort into, you know, building a business taking care of. My kids were in covitz, So taking care of the house 24 7, you know, multiple meals a day. Uh, trying to educate them during the summer drama is just not high on my priority list. So um, I Thank you so much for coming on, and it was a pleasure talking to you.
00:50:26 Susan Goudy
Oh, thank you. I really appreciate you inviting me. And I hope I give you guys some good information. And, uh, if anybody wants toe, go and check out more of my stuff, they could go to my website. It’s Susan gowdy dot com, and it’s g o U D Y.
00:50:43 April Grant
Okay. Do you have any, um, social media handles that you’d like to?
00:50:48 Susan Goudy
Um, they can go toe. They could go to the website and find my facebook page. Um, it Z I’m trying to think of Facebook. I’ve had that for so long. It’s author Susan Author Susan Gowdy. You can go to that on Facebook. Uh, instagram is, uh, Susan Gowdy Power. I was trying to come up with something that wasn’t already taken. And, uh, Twitter. I think it’s just at Susan Gowdy.
00:51:15 April Grant
So you said Susan Gowdy. Powder power,
00:51:21 April Grant
P O W E R.
00:51:22 Susan Goudy
Yeah. Trying to encourage everyone to become empowered. Gotcha. I could empowered was taken.
00:51:30 April Grant
So you start to get very, very creative now that so many people have handles out there. But it was a pleasure having you. I
00:51:42 Susan Goudy
also I’m on YouTube. You can find my YouTube channel. So just look up. Excusing Gowdy And I’ve did write an article regarding the coronavirus and how to move away from fear and drama during the midst in the midst of the coronavirus. I’ve done 10 videos Thio accompany the 10 steps I wrote about on how to move away from fear and drama during the coronavirus. So YouTube channel has all of those videos on it, too.
00:52:10 April Grant
Okay, well, I’m gonna have to check those out. Uh,
00:52:15 April Grant
but yeah. Thank you for coming on. Uh, thank you for leaving us with some good tidbit. I will definitely, uh, think more about what you discussed during this episode. And, um, I have a great day.
00:52:32 Susan Goudy
You, too. Thank you, April. I appreciate it.